


He Almost Reconsidered

by FeralSnufkin



Series: I Ache [3]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Everything Hurts and I'm Dying, Flower Crowns, Light Angst, M/M, Moomin is sweet, One-Sided Attraction, Snufkin is smittened, This one is a little nicer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 07:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18889948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralSnufkin/pseuds/FeralSnufkin
Summary: The heart can't hurt if the heart chooses not to feel. Snufkin tries to decide if loving Moomin is worth the heartache.





	He Almost Reconsidered

**Author's Note:**

> "Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even." 
> 
> Song of choice for this fan fiction: Break Even by The Script.

Summer came to Moomin Valley like most things do - all at once. The heat of the day was hot but not overbearing. The flowers were soft petaled and blew in the warm breeze. Snufkin's hat had found its way onto Moomin's head. He looked rather fetching in it and when Snufkin said so, Moomin turned as pink as the peonies around them. 

They sat in the grass enjoying each other's company. Moomin plucked a flower from the grass and twirled it in his hand. "Snuf?" 

"Yes Moomin?" Snufkin opened his eyes and looked over to him. 

"Do you mind if I touch you?" 

Snufkin looks over to him. A lot of people in Moomin Valley liked physical affection. He noticed it the second he'd gotten there. But Moomin always asked first. Unless Snufkin initiated the touch, he always waited to make sure it was okay. Snufkin smiled. "Of course." He opened his arms. 

Moomin smiled and Snufkin felt himself relax. The companioned silence between them stretched for several hours after. Moomin's head had found its way into Snufkin's lap. Snufkin admired him while Moomin wasn't paying attention. 

Moomin's fur glistened in the sunlight. He looked like fresh snow. Snufkin usually hated the colder seasons but they looked perfect on Moomin. He always seemed softer when the Winter was coming. Like his body was getting ready for hibernation before the snow was even falling. Snufkin would find his fur in his things long after he left Moomin Valley. He thought it was fitting. Even if Moomin couldn't come with him, he was still always there in one way or another. 

Snufkin pulled out his harmonica, careful not to jostle Moomin snoozing in his lap. He wondered what he should play. He could play his new spring tune but it didn't feel right in the moment. So, he brought the harmonica to his lips and began to play without a plan. One part anticipation, two parts for the coming winter, and the rest a ballad for Moomin whose sleeping ears would never hear it. The song ended up sounding sadder than he thought it would but it seemed fitting. Thinking about Moomin often left him aching. 

He wondered what the coming years would bring. Snufkin would always be welcome in Moomin Valley but life would be different. Just like the seasons, things would change, things would grow, wither, and die. Snufkin wondered in a few years time if he would still sit with Moomin like this and enjoy his company the way he did. 

Maybe Snorkmaiden would take his place. Maybe there would be someone else to do it instead.

But it wouldn't be Snufkin. 

His song ended and Snufkin let a hand rest on Moomin's cheek. He smiled down at Moomin.

He pictured a life where he and Moomin were close the way Moomin and Snorkmaiden were. Snufkin would wake every day to Moomin and when he had to leave, Moomin would always be there waiting for him. He could hold Moomin without worrying about crossing boundaries and Moomin would welcome it. They could snuggle by the fire and their home wouldn't make his skin itch. It would make them both happy because they were together. 

The thought was as sweet as the popsicles Moominmamma had given them that morning. It was sweet but it wasn't his to have. 

It would be easier not to love Moomin the way that he did. If he could just focus on being Moomin's friend, he wouldn't have to ache every time he saw Moomin look at Snorkmaiden. He tried to set aside his feelings. He buried them down deep inside of himself. Loving Moomin came easy. He could relearn how to love him. He could love him in a different way.

Nothing would change. He would still be Moomin's best friend. Moomin would still come running for him every Spring. The only person who would have to change was Snufkin. He could do that. To keep Moomin as the years went by, he would do that. 

The dull ache in his chest didn't go away but, with time, it would. Just as snow melts. Just as suns set. Everything would change. He could change with it. 

Snufkin put his harmonica back into his pocket and laid back into the grass. He stared up into the sky and let the warm sun put him to sleep. His silly fantasies could exist in his dreams where they belonged. 

When he woke, it was to a tickling sensation against his nose. He wrinkled his nose trying to get the feeling to go away. A soft giggling hit his ears and he opened his eyes. "Moomin?" 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Moomin grinned, tucking the flower into Snufkin's hair. 

Snufkin marveled over his smile. He felt his heart jumpstart and climb straight into his throat. He raised up a hand and cupped Moomin's face. 

Moomin leaned into the touch and giggled. "I couldn't help myself." 

Snufkin's eyebrows furrowed before he realized what Moomin meant. Snufkin stared down at his jacket and pants. While he was sleeping, Moomin had covered him in flowers. His own hat, still on Moomin's head was speckled with flowers along the rim. 

Snufkin looked down at the flowers and then at Moomin. A bit of pollen reached his nose and he sneezed hard. His tail went rod still in the sneeze.

Moomin stared at him, wide eyed. His giggles turned into a laugh. "You look like a kitten when you sneeze." 

Snufkin gave him a flat look but it softened as Moomin fell back into the flowers. He laughed and laughed, giggling about kittens and wrinkled noses. 

Snufkin's fondness overwhelmed him. He knew in that moment he couldn't do it. His resolve had disappeared all at once and he conceded. Falling out of love with Moomin was harder than he thought it would be. Looking at that smile and feeling nothing but platonic feelings wasn't possible. Maybe the coming Winter would help but a small voice in the back of his mind told him that it would only make him miss Moomin more. 

His heart bloomed whenever he looked at Moomin and there was nothing he could do about it. Snufkin plucked one of the flowers woven into his jacket and brought it to his nose. He took a deep breath. It smelled lovely and he tried to brand the memory into his mind. Of warm summers and sweet smelling flowers and his dear Moomin’s laughter drifting over the hillside. He would always have these moments. He wouldn't let them go for anything in the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> Three out of Five everyone. I'll see you in the next one. Let me know how if you're liking the series, I basically live off of comments.


End file.
